Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
