So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
