this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
