where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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