I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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