I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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