At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
