Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
