This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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