i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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