If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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