I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
