So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
