Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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