I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
