Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
