no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
