STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
