Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think i got beer on your cat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
