I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
