6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
