My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's the barista slut.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
