You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
