he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
