Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
