NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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