someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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