When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
