She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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