New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
