I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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