I showed him my bush... on skype.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
