I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
