i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do vagina's smell?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
