Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
