Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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