"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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