apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
