Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
zippers are such a cool invention
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
