You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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