i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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