That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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