Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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