Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
