the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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