I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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