I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
