there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
