His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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