i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
two words: eviction party
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
