lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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