dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize