First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
