So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
