Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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