rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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