Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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