i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
