the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
