U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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