She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
