woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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