I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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