Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy sore nipples Batman
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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