Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
