Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
