They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
my liver is dry heaving
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
