found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
