Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
