Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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