I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
