and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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